Unfortunately, Joshua couldn't get off of work to come with me (and we only had so many free air miles courtesy of mom!) So, this update is just me. (I guess I can't blame bad photography on anyone now!).
Some background: I went to Prague to give a paper at The First Global Conference: Visions of Humanity in Cyberculture, Cyberspace, and Science Fiction. It's a pretty good deal, actually. I got to go to Prague (I've never been to Europe), give a paper (related to what I wrote my Master's thesis on), meet very cool people (both in my field and in related fields of interest), became an honorary member of the Aussie Mafia (as a result of my Absinthe usage), got the paper published in an ebook, and (if I ever get around to expanding the paper by about 15 pages) I'll have the paper published in a regular book that you can probably someday buy from Amazon.com for like $45! All in all, a very cool experience.
So let's get started! I have a lot to say, even half a year after the fact! Well, for starters, I have a few things to say about Air France. I ordered a Vegan meal for my million-hour flight overseas, and I was thrilled to find that it was stewed spinach (and that was sarcasm if you weren't sure - just because I don't eat flesh doesn't mean I actually desire disgusting food!) Anyway, in my vegan meal, along with the delicious spinach, they gave me a tub of yogurt and a big old cheese wedge. Yes, that's right. Yogurt and cheese. Not of the soy variety. Best.. Vegan meal.. Ever. To top it off, I was seated next to the rudest Frenchman ever. He was reading a newspaper and had it spread out all over my space, and he kept smacking it to smooth it out and whatnot. As if he wasn't enough of a stereotype already, he would steal a bottle of wine from the drink cart every time it went past. (What's worse is that the wine was free). As he stole the bottles, he would hide them in the pocket of the seat in front of him and then order his own bottle. I couldn't have hated that man more.
When I finally landed in Prague it was the next day, and all I wanted was a bed. By the way, airports in Prague have apparently not heard that communism is over, and the toilet paper is the last remnant of the fallen regime. It's like a cardboard box in toilet paper form. But much closer to a box than paper of any sort. Terrible. Anyway, I finally got to my hotel, The Charles, and got into my room. Luckily it was only about 11am or so, because I could not for the life of me figure out how to turn on the lights. The minibar sure as hell had power, but the lightswitches didn't work! (I think I finally figured it out the next day; I had to put my key into the lock on the wall in order to activate the power, which basically made it possible for me to lock myself in since I couldn't both see and unlock the door at once, no matter how badly I wanted it. Anyway, aren't there supposed to be pictures here? Let's get to it.
First, we have a picture of the ceiling of my hotel room. You don't get this sort of detail in America!
Here's the basic layout of my hotel room. It's crazy how different a 4-star hotel in Europe is from a 4-star hotel in the States. It was quite comfortable and lovely (once I found the lights).
Well, it was all comfortable and lovely until I tried to use the shower, which was henceforth dubbed, "My watery tomb".
I was lucky enough to have an amazing view out my window (Out the bathroom window, technically. I think it was meant to distract me from the watery tomb that would almost be my death).
Of course, being thousands of miles away from Joshua, I felt the need to check in with him (even though all my Conference-buddies would come to know him as The Health Insurance, keeping in mind he called me The Dependant!) I headed over to the nearest internet cafe, which would be my second home while in Prague. I would check in here probably at least 5 times over the three days in which I was away, and wouldn't you just know it, it was located upstairs from a Spider Museum!! (For those who don't know, I suffered an allergy to some spider venom in my leg just a few weeks earlier, sending me to the emergency room with a disgusting wound on my leg. Then, I suffered an allergy to the medicine they gave me, sending me back to the emergency room with an inability to breathe. All in all, spiders moved rapidly down my Favorite Things list to finally rest somewhere near Fran Drescher and milk-fed veal). Notice the small sign that says "Internet Point" right above the advertisement for 100 live spiders? Yeah, it was as if God had heard all the bad things I'd been saying about him and sent retribution in the form of Ironic Humor. Anyway, the computers were set up so that when you were finished you just clicked on the icon of a little person on the screen; complete with instructions: "Please Press Yourself When Finished".
Ok, so I had heard that to fix jetlag, you're supposed to walk around in the sun and definitely not go to sleep. So I figured I could try that. My hotel was in an amazing location, so it didn't take long to get to really cool things. This archway was a block away. Again, you don't see this sort of thing in the States.
It soon became apparent that I had a problem. A door problem. I wonder if I could build a house made entirely out of doors someday. But really, these weren't just doors. They were DOORS.
Once I recognized that I had developed a bit of a door obsession, I decided to do a bit of walking, since I knew I'd be at conference sessions during most of the days of the remainder of my trip. I walked up to Prague Castle since, let's face it, I had never seen a castle before. I had to walk up a ridiculously steep hill to get to the top, but there were cute little local merchants along the way (and let's overlook the fact that this whole trip was during the heatwave that killed all those French people, so needless to say it was hot). This was the view of the city just before I entered the castle.
There was a castle guard who didn't look too thrilled about being a tourist attraction. Frankly, he looked like someone who took his job like a serious defender of his country. Everyone else looked at him as though he was about as necessary as those people who walk around dressed as Mickey Mouse at Disney World. Poor fellow. I thought I'd make him feel important by taking his picture. I think it probably just made him feel more Mickey.
I believe (and I could easily be wrong about this since it was almost 5 months ago) but I think I took these inside the walls of the Castle, but I don't know what the buildings actually were. I wandered around that Castle for hours, so I lost track of a lot. But needless to say, I think these were just interesting tidbits.
Within the Castle is St. Vitus Cathedral (cue "St. Vitus Dance" by Bauhaus). It apparently took about 6 centuries to build, and it shows. It's insanely gorgeous. It also has the tombs of old Czech kings in the basement, but you aren't allowed to take pictures down there. There were a lot of places you weren't allowed to take pictures, but I, your humble narrator, did what I could for you, gentle reader.
Here is some incredibly old and neat architecture within the castle itself (some of which is within the great hall of the Old Royal Palace). Oh, and um, a door.
There was actually a full model of the castle within the castle itself. Sort of neat, since I had walked around it in a daze for so long already. It gave me some sort of perspective to see just how nuts I apparently am.
Here's a view from one of the castle windows:
Here is the window from which the Prague Defenestration of 1618 took place. (They tossed some Catholic governors out of the window, spurring many years of war, if I'm not mistaken).
This next image is from the Old Royal Palace. They used to ride through here on their horses with their swords and good armor on. There were elaborate hallways made for horses throughout the castle, and the romanticized imagery was never lacking. There is actually a staircase called the Rider's Staircase near where this photo was taken, and I bet you can imagine what it was used for!
This may very well be a picture from a castle balustrade, which is a word I have never had occasion to use except in reciting lyrics of a certain Cocteau Twins song. It's definitely a picture off a balcony type area of the castle, regardless.
Now, I'm not 100% sure what these are photos of at this point. If I still knew where my Prague Guidebook was, I bet I'd be able to tell you! I suspect it might be the Basilica of St. George, but don't quote me on that. It was gorgeous, regardless. You can see how awful the flash made this all look. The one photo that's bright and sunny is the one that was taken without the flash, I think.
Here's the Throne room. I apparently missed the cool place where the crown jewels are still held!
Here is an ultraswank staircase just randomly on the side of the main hall of the Old Royal Palace, and I think it led upstairs to where the tapestries are kept. Now I wonder if they were tapestries or if there were painted tiles lining the castle walls up there. I must be getting old. Anyway, No photographs were allowed up there, so we may never know, but there were old crests and such of the royal families dating way back to at least the Middle Ages. I thought about sneaking some pictures so you'd all know what a rebel I am, but then I realized that you all know that already and I probably shouldn't risk an international incident just to prove it.
Ok, I didn't even know what this was when I took the picture, but I figured it was some sort of secret Masonic symbol for the Illuminati or something. Clearly secret-society type stuff. If I turn up dead after uploading this, Robert Anton Wilson should probably be everyone's first suspect.
Ok, so here's another Cathedral. Or the same Cathedral. Yeah, I think this might be St. Vitus Cathedral again. (I walked past it a bunch of times before I actually went in, I think. I was jet-lagged and it was hot, ok? I might've been delirious!) Aren't these the most amazing gargoyles you've ever seen? Many of them seem like little caricatured saints or something.
And from the inside!
Here's another case where I think my flash ruined the whole image! (I don't know why there's no one to blame this bad photography on!!)
WARNING!!! (I'm crazy, but not insane. Regardless of what you may have heard. I did not climb this after walking around in the heat for 5 hours).
After seeing these reliefs, I just want to know where the priorities of these warriors were. There's armor covering every inch of these men, except for the one place I would think they would want it the most! THAT PART is exposed! What were they thinking?!?
Just to add some suspense, I think I'll spread this out over two pages! Take that!!